UNPHASED

You walk around acting like nothing was the same

that I poured my heart out and you saw it as everyday rain 

I gave you my all 

but you even wanted my grave 

I stood alone 

not in a crowd 

not in a field 

not even in the presences of my peers 

but 

beside you

in-front of you 

anywhere I was close to you 

I was alone 

I was cold 

I should have listened when they told me you were cold 

when they told me that you could walk away with not one broken bone 

no tear to shed 

no voice to crack 

.... Nothing

I'm here
acting like the world sees me
understands me
wants to pretend like it has any interests in me
because you made me feel
like I wasn't worthy
like what I said was dust in the air
settles to quickly
Like my flesh and my breath; was a waste of the earth's energy
Any word spoken would enter black hole vicinity  

you made me feel alone and forgotten
I thought...I was completely abandoned

I'm here now
I know that I'm worthy
I'm unphased by
your viewpoint of me
how now you want me but honey
I now see clearly
you don't deserve me
you never needed me? ... Now you'll never have me

because now
I make me happy
I make me smile
I make my money and
I support my ups and downs

This started off sour
but reading it now
you see I became stronger
I took a stand
I know my power
You made me feel alone, but now
I shine like no damn tomorrow

I am UNPHASED and I am EMPOWERED

UPDATE: So I'm giving Youtube a try aha

Hello beautiful people of the blog world <3,

So I've been missing in action on here, mainly because of school and work; both having such demand for my time.

I have decided to make a effort to not only try to get back into my writing ( mostly because I've had writer's block for a while now) but also try out Youtube. I know someone's probably thinking " really...YOUTUBE!!?" aha

I spend majority of my time sitting in my room with my dog or with a pen and loads of notes so I thought id be more productive and make something out of that. I don't go out much...I am a home body!

I don't know what type of YouTube I'd be...I've dabbed into my school skills ( which i look like a total piece of shit in) and even skincare. Guess I'll adventure around there till I find someone that gets me going.

Remember you are beautiful and deserve the best from life <3 no matter what

PS. the link for my channel is right below if you were curious ! <3

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCWayeQ-efUiKDGASnZ6aXCQ

I would do it again

I tore my heart out for you 

Told you that I loved you 

Said that even if I died I would support you 

I would be near you , to hold you and tell you, that I never truly left you 

See you flourish, see you thrive 

See every memory of me diminish

As you carry on living your life 

But that is foreseen 

Those who once were; fade like autumn's first breeze 

I... I torn my heart out for you 

That’s why I died 

I gave all I had, 

You tossed my heart out like trash 

didn't understand the detriments of my past

So here I am,

Watching over you 

Because I still love you

And maybe one day you’ll love me 

Letting go of all the words 

Letting go of all the remorse 

Letting go... 

I’m letting go when I know

That it’s time to go Home 

Till now

Here I am 

Watching you grow 

Watching you shine 

Because despite it all 

I loved you 

I torn my heart out for you 

& 

I would do it again 

Can I say Goodbye ?

If I fall today 

No regrets to the grave

Tell my mom I died smiling to the heavens

Thanking God for the life he gave me

For showing me that not everything was about me 

My first world problems would be blessings to the third

I wish I could have stood hand in hand watching the fresh water flow

It's not my life to live

I'll come back when the time is right

I'm sorry I was never what you wanted

Sorry I was more a screw up than a marvel

Sorry I wasn't male

I'm just sorry

I'll never be anything

But if I die today

I won't stay, this is my Goodbye from the grave 

I was never great, but I tried 

& right now, that doesn't matter 

because I'm gone 

Now even people I didn't know 

are crying, saying how great I was , 

remembering all the good times 

saying how they wish they reached out 

In reality you people didn't give a fuck 

you see cameras, you show all the fake love 

It's like you save it all for the recently dead

humanity disgusts me 

You only care when lights are flashing 

There's more love in the fame than there is in honesty 

If I fall today 

I have no regrets in this grave 

I didn't live much 

but i know i don't want to live this way  

I've taken too much shit to think 

I couldn't stick around for more of this 

I haven't done much 

but I've done enough to know 

it's my time to go 

Say hello to the souls 

stranded on earth 

Maybe I'll stick around to haunt a few hoes 

I have no reason to be 

No reason to grow 

No reason to say 

I'll stay & see how the rest goes

I'm over it, 

Can't be bothered with it 

Tell my Mama

I'm sorry but I'm leaving early 

The world just isn't ready for my level of creativity 

Seek Peace & Pursue it

It's another day... another day closer to where you want to be in life. Moments like this make you wonder; who you will be on the same day in a couple of years. Will all your efforts pay off, will the struggle now really produce the easy going care free life.

I had someone very close to me say that " What ifs get you no where" do not wonder about the what-ifs in a situation, you need to tell yourself that:

 " This is it, there are no what-ifs here, I know where I want to be in life and I will get there"

Do not ever forget who you are in the process and do not let the pain of yesterday and those believed failures effect you. They were lessons, moments of realization that are needed now and then.

No one is perfect, we all have our demons and I'm not here to tell you to go and find trouble; but experience life, let life unveil itself to you but do not stand around when your intervention is needed.

Our decisions do not define us or make us, we decide how those decisions effect us, whether they be positive or negative. But no circumstance can alter our destiny, it is written how it is written by God. You might have detours, but the story stays the same. We make choices and though we do not decide the outcome, we choose how we react and take the outcome; whether it be in your favour or not.

 Having a negative thought about anything is okay & though society pressures us to always have a positive outlook on life and any form of negative processing is frowned upon; it is okay.

Society should never say who you are as a person and it should never be the underlying reason for a decision. I am Me and my thoughts and my decision are based off of my judgment. Society feels the need to tell people how to think and what is considered normal.

My normal is what i say it is and if that is Abnormal in this twisted world then heyyy " who asked you?!" is what I really have to say.

What the world does not understand is that every situation has its pros and cons; we have to CHOOSE what we look at and embrace; but i sit here and ask you

"do you really have to choose one or the other...what if i don't want to, what if i see it a different way"

 I do see it a different way, Pros are what you have been conditioned to look for but i see my cons as my strength, its not going to break me down but show me where i need to improve, show me my weakness, show me what this world doesn't want me seeing as positive. I will use my weakness against the obstacles because the obstacles know my strength and know how to counteract.

Because I know how to see both as ways for me to evolve, no con is my set back but another step up. If you see it as a set back it will be a set back. You take it as a heart break, it will be a heart break. Take what the world sees as a problem as a progressive step up. Your car broke down on the highway but you survived that car pile up 1km away; He was more interested in your friend then you, well now you can invest more in yourself, date yourself, not be the one getting cheated on.

You need to stop seeing the world, how you're expected to see it and perceive it your way! IMAGINE  and LIVE your wonders, embrace your pros and cons as step ups, new ways to level up your evolution.

BE THE ULTIMATE YOU! Don't be an earthling, Be an Alien.